The Hodgepodge Society Ball. Every year, there is no Hodgepodge Society event that is more important than the Ball. A night where we let our hair down, remove our underpants, and wallow in our collective spectacularness. This year, it was the Pittsburgh Chapter's most eteemed honor to host this event, after putting in our bid to do so somewhere around the War of 1812. The Hodgepodge Society ball is an event where ideas are shared, awards are given out and EXTREMELY poor decisions are made. It is an event where Hodgepodge Society members join and intermingle, where plans are born and brought to frution, and our Society as a whole renews itself for another year...at least that's what SUPPOSED to happen when people show up.

The Pittsburgh Chapter hit a bit of a snafu in the scheduling of this year's Hodgepodge Society Ball. There was a bit of a mix up when they posted the listing for the Ball in the one periodical any Hodgepodge Society member goes to for Ball information, Conventions and Gatherings Quarterly, was switched for the official Ninja Convention in Anaheim, CA. The offical name of their group you ask? It's the Greater Reagional Association of Ninjas Neglecting Yesterday Participating Actively in Ninja Training Intensely Even on Sunday...or G.R.A.N.N.Y. P.A.N.T.I.E.S. Hehehehehe. So only a select handful of Hodgepodge Society Members showed up...because these were the members Sir Joseph and Lord Robert had to give a ride to.

So, while there were 2,300 Hodgepodge Society Members stranded in Anaheim, only 4 Hodgepodge Society Members (aside from Sir Joseph and Lord Robert) were able to attend the Ball. They were Lady Laurie Bolewitz Bordeaux Jr. (a Hodgepodge Society Dancer from Ireland), Chancellor Bradford Keller D.D.S (a suave lethario from Mt. Fiji), Mistress Bernadette Ulsamer St. Claire (a Hodgepodge magician and Hollywood Boob Wrangler) and Deputy Joshua "Bottle Chuckin'" Futrell PhD (a known West Virginian). Since the success of the Ball usually indicates how successful the Hodgepodge Society will be in their humor studies that year, Sir Joseph and Lord Robert were determined to make sure the Ball was not a failure. Things started out lovely enough. The proceedings were crashed by a man in a fursuit labeling himself as a "Furry" and a tradtional Hodgepodge Mime Story was told to the delight of the audience. Things were going well...until HE showed up.

And by "HE" we mean the emmisary from the MishMash Brotherhood, Lieutenant Bradley Percival Hanes Stefenson. Yes, the MishMash Brotherhood. The rival organization to the Hodgepodge Society. While the Hodgepodge Society furthers humor in order to better society, the MishMash Brotherhood feels that only through the fostering of depression will mankind see the true value of their accomplishments. We generate humor, they discover new kinds of cancer. We devise hilarious essays, they work to scientifically prove that smiling causes hurricanes. We create laughter, they make sure babies get stuck in wells. Unfortunately, in order to prevent a war, each group must invite 1 member from the other to all of their functions. So, even though he was a SERIOUS downer to the proceedings, the show had to go on.

Not long after the MishMash jerk arrived, we received a phone call. It was Gerard Flangellenstein, current Grand Poobah of the Hodgepodge Society! He was in Anaheim at the Ninja Convention! Eager to make his presence felt to the rest of the Ball, we put him on the speakerphone to address the rest of the crowd. Our leader addressed the audience, but we made the foolish mistake of telling him that the acronymn for the Ninja Convention was "Granny Panties". We all had a good laugh, but Ninjas are famous for their lack of a sense of humor, as indicated on ancient wall scrolls of ancient Japanese pranksters getting torn to shreds by the humorless warriors. One laugh and several deafening screams later, it appeard that the bulk of the Hodgepodge Society was gone. Lost to a bunch of bloodthirsty Ninjas belonging to an unfortunately named group. Still wanting the Ball to be a success (and afraid of the blame about to come crashing down on their heads) Sir Joseph and Lord Robert continued with the evening's proceedings.

The evening carried on as planned. We celebrated the First Annual Pittsburgh Bullfight (which was accomplished by hypnotizing that MishMash Ass into thinking he was a bull). The award for Essay of the Year was presented and you can read that HERE. Deputy Joshua "Bottle Chuckin'" Futrell treated us all to a song and Mistress Bernadette wowed us all with a magical card trick. Of course the card trick ended in the forfeiting of the souls of several audience members to a dark lord of the underworld, but damned if it wasn't whimsical. Then it came to Sir Joseph's favorite moment of the evening, the toast! Every Hodgepodge Society member present raised a glass and paid homage to that which they were thankful for that evening. From art galleries, to the fairer sex, to the Hodgepodge Society itself; all was praised. Then, due to an unfortunate clause in our bylaws, the MishMash Ambassador proposed a toast and the most shocking revalation of the evening was occurred!

For you see, it was the Mish Mash Brotherhood that was behind the listing mix up that sent 2,300 Hodgepodge Society to their doom at the hands of a convention center full of humorless Ninjas. Stefenson's elaborate ruse was revealed!...of course...we really didn't have to do any work, since he just told us...but, either way, the jig was up! Since we couldn't fire him out of a catapult without sparking a war betweeen our two organizations, there was only 1 logical course of action. No, not unwanted bikini waxing. A duel! Yes, the duel. A deadly dance of death that Sir Joseph would be more than happy to enter in order to teach that Stefenson a lesson. And duel they did. The weapons were swords...and literature! Yes, this wans't just a duel...it was a duo-el! A duo-el is fought with a weapon of choice and quotes from a great literary masterpiece. Stefenson chose Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. Sir Joseph chose quotes from the 1981 film Escape From New York. It was a close battle, but Sir Jospeh and the Hodgepodge Society won the day!

With the MishMash Brotherhood bested in the duel and Humor triumphing over depression once again, the ceremonies for the evening had come to an end. This was truly one of the finest hours for the Hodgepodge Society...except for all of the members who were eviscerated by Ninjas, but that's neither here nor there. The Pittsburgh Chapter had a lovely time and that's all that mattered. It looks like the Hodgepodge Society will have a successful year ahead of us, full of Humor and wit and astronomical dry cleaning bills. We would like to thank all who attended the Ball and we can't wait to see you again next year...where we promise, we'll try to make sure we don't run afoul of any Furries or Ninjas...again.

The Official Poster for the Hodgepodge Society Ball. This deisgn by Kimmie Coen wowed both college student and Meter Maid alike. All the cool kids want one! Click the pic to enlarge.