Now if there' one thing I know it's that there's nothing harder than talking to members of the fairer sex. They’re attractive, complicated, fast runners, and quick on the lawsuit. Sometimes it’s easier just to woo women through the US Postal service, than to just tell them you think they’re neat. Well, fret no more my friends. Being an accomplished author of best selling field guides like, “101 Ways to Say Good-Bye to Jerry Orbach” and “101 Ways to Infuriate a Crossing Guard”, I feel it is my responsibility, nay, my duty to help the awkward masses. So here, without further ado, pomp or circumstance, are the top 17 was to let that pretty girl you like know you like them, from my top selling field guide “101 Ways to Let that Pretty Girl You Like Know You Like Her”. Enjoy.

Nothing says "I think you're sexy" more than an interpretive dance set to the theme of The Jeffersons at her war-hero grandfather's funeral.

Roses are for losers. Send her a bouquet of kittens. But good luck trying to find a florist that's willing to put those suckers on sticks for you. BELIEVE ME.

Be sure to kiss her on the cheek goodnight. Don't forget to keep it casual when she starts screaming at you as towards why you're in her room.

See if you have a common hobby. Keep in mind, most girls don't have the same passion for erotic Star Wars artwork that you do.

Make friends with the same friends she has. Start by letting them out of your attic.

Ever see Say Anything? Same principle applies, except show up with a boombox and play something original, like Oompah music or dogs barking Jingle Bells.

Offer to help her move. Ignore her when she insists you stop moving her stuff into your apartment.

14 simple words: "I've got your puppy and I'll let him go unharmed if you date me."

Keep reminding her that you both already know all about each other, seeing as how you're cousins.

Follow her to a karaoke bar and sing a surprise love song to her. May I suggest "The Bitch is Back" by Elton John or "Smack My Bitch Up" by Prodigy.

Offer to give her a foot rub. When she points out that her boobs are, in fact, not her feet, explain that that's not the way YOU learned how to give a foot rub.

Find out which dance club she goes to. Show up on the same night she does and impress her with your Tae Bo moves. Apologize profusely for breaking her nose.

She's got a boyfriend?! Well, that's nothing a pair of nuncucks and a pit of rabid badgers can't solve.

Take her to dinner and a movie...and the hot dog stand at the porno theater does NOT count.

There's no shame in growing old together with someone....on the other end of a high powered telescope.

Send her a cute text message. Nothing woos the ladies like "I cnt w8 2 hump u".

Confess that you want to make babies with her. You may have more luck explaining that you want to make them the old fashioned way and NOT with your mail order science kit.

There you have it. Remember fellas, a restraining order is nothing more than a clever way of saying "just try harder".

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