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Andromeda: Too obvious, and too close. The only argument
for this "whirlpool" galaxy is its glowing core - just like
the one that Luke, Leia and the droids gaze upon a the end of Empire.
Still, there are a lot of whirlpool galaxies (c. 100 billion), and Andromeda,
at three million light years from Earth, is hardly that "far, far
away."
M102: This galaxy has a nice, bright core, being a prime example of a
lenticular, or "spindle", galaxy. Lenticular galaxies also consist
of older stars, which would make them younger "a long time ago,"
depending on how long ago "a long time ago" was. M102 is a sticky
candidate, though, ever since the galaxy was dubbed a "probable"
lenticular galaxy due to confusions in the Messier catalog. Scientists
are still debating its classification. So, like, we'll consider it when
they figure that all out.
M77: This light-ringed galaxy looks the part - exotic, brightly illuminated,
with a creamy, delicious center and a stunning halo around the frontier
- but it's also a Seyfert galaxy, which are famous for large numbers of
quasars and intense radio and X-radiation emissions. Then again, while
Obi-Wan never cruises past any quasars, the 3-D videographic communication
devices always look kind of staticky. Radio interference, perhaps?
Leo I (Rugulus): Honestly, Han Solo does not live in a Dwarf Galaxy.
I don't care what anybody says. Dwarf galaxies are for losers. Maybe those
lame-ass Ewoks live in a Dwarf galaxy – it would befit their total
lame-assness – but no Dwarf galaxy I've ever known was worthy of
the Millennium Falcon, okay? Are we all, like, in agreement on this one?
The Large and Small Magellanic Clouds: They may be small, but these purplish
twin star systems would seem like a proper setting since, you know, everything
important seems to happen on like five planets. I'm beginning to think
that that backwater Tatooine is the best place going, 'cause if it's not
happening on freeze-your-ass-off Hoth or the twang-your-banjo backwoods
of Endor, desert-and-giant-sandworm Tatooine seems like the place to be.
I mean, what's the Empire being so piggy about if there's only a frozen
planet, a desert planet, a volcanic planet, and a teddy bear nature reserve
to fight over? No wonder everybody cool lives on Coruscant - they even
have awesome flying cars and weird alien discos. Fuck Tatooine.
Conclusions: My vote goes for M77, even if its name isn’t very cool.
Better than "Naboo." God, what a stupid name.
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Von Isenberg's Essays
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