If your nostril could talk, what would it say?

Blow me.
Light a match.
I’ve been broken 5 times!
I can go deeper then you think.
Milk’s coming out of me.
Is someone baking?
Snort snort
I prefer the quilted tissues.
I think my septum’s deviating!
Please stop checking if your feet smell, they do, always.
Is something burning?
Get that goddamn finger out of me.
The $5,000 to remove that bump WAS worth it.
Fuck Ears!!!
It's called deodorant.

Back to Mistress Bernadette Ulsamer St. Claire's Essays