Country the in element political disappearing fastest the, Party Backward the of treasurer acting as words few a express to like would I.

I would like to express a few words, as acting treasurer of the Backward Party, the fastest-disappearing political element in the country.

Forwardness with discontentment found have Americans, Forward Leap Great the since ever.

Ever since the Great Leap Forward, Americans have found discontentment with Forwardness.

History and hindsight of benefit the have we, backward looking by that posited, Derriere Q. John, father founding our.

Our founding father, John Q. Derriere, posited that by looking backward, we have the benefit of hindsight and history.

Him over backed car a when 1977 in end tragic his until backwardness promote to hard working, down ceiling the from party this building, followers many amassed he.

He amassed many followers, building this party from the ceiling down, working hard to promote backwardness – until his tragic end in 1977, when a car backed over him.

Ideals his behind stand we, though, now even.

Even now, though, we stand behind his ideals.

Appreciate to shooting-straight too been we’ve that accomplishments the all celebrate and progress to backs our turn to striving, America rural of towns backwater – values real had people these that realized I, ago years several party the joined I when.

When I joined the party several years ago, I realized that these people had real values – backwater towns of rural America, striving to turn our backs to progress and celebrate all the accomplishments that we’ve been too straight-shooting to appreciate.

Practices our criticize to quick been have opponents our.

Our opponents have been quick to criticize our practices.

Minutes the reads secretary the when end and remarks concluding with begin which, meetings our understand to fail people most, example for.

For example, most people fail to understand our meetings, which begin with concluding remarks and end when the secretary reads the minutes.

Foundation the dug builders when completed was structure the and, first constructed was tower bell the as, scorn of subject a also are headquarters our.

Our headquarters are also a subject of scorn, as the bell tower was constructed first, and the structure was completed when the builders dug the foundation.

Language offensive opponents’ our for excuse no is this but.

But this is no excuse for our opponents’ offensive language.

“Off-face” a as meeting summit our to referred Casey Bob Governor when mortification our notice to seemed one no.

No one seemed to notice our mortification when Governor Bob Casey referred to our summit meeting as a “Face-off.”

“Counterproductive” as party our to reference consistent media’s the mind never.

Never mind the media’s consistent reference to our party as “counterproductive.”

Counterproductive not are we but, backward be may we, record the for.

For the record, we may be backward, but we are not counterproductive.

Party Backward the of member a being easy not it’s, me believe and.

And believe me, it’s not easy being a member of the Backward Party.

Go we everywhere walking-moon is as, task challenging a is road the of side hand-left the on driving.

Driving on the left-hand side of the road is a challenging task, as is moon-walking everywhere we go.

Bribes accepted before time serve representatives our let to refuse law of courts most and, cooked is it before meal the eat to allowed aren’t we that arguing, us seat to refuse hosts restaurant most.

Most restaurant hosts refuse to seat us, arguing that we aren’t allowed to eat the meal before it is cooked, and most courts of law refuse to let our representatives serve time before accepting bribes.

Populations world increase only will that war a start to hard it’s – military the on position our mind never.

Never mind our position on the military – it’s hard to start a war that will only increase world populations.

Schoolyard the in tag play to how our figure can’t children and, copulating before conceive to try couples where, front-home the on hardships face even we.

We even face hardships on the home-front, where couples try to conceive before copulating, and children can’t figure our how to play tag in the schoolyard.

Last code area the dial members devoted most since, hassles endless to lead friend a calling as tasks simple such.

Such simple tasks as calling a friend lead to endless hassles, since most devoted members dial the area code last.

Campaign jeopardized a of treasurer you’re when problem real a, records financial keeping trouble have myself I.

I myself have trouble keeping financial records, a real problem when you’re treasurer of a jeopardized campaign.

Numbers negative of use singular our at heads their scratch creditors most and, it receive not, money soft pay to is Party Backward the of policy the that understand don’t auditors the.

The auditors don’t understand that the policy of the Backward Party is to pay soft money, not receive it, and most creditors scratch their heads at our singular use of negative numbers.

Backs Radical new the and Backwardists fashioned old the between split recent a suffered has party the, moreover.

Moreover, the party has suffered a recent split between the old-fashioned Backwardists and the new Radical Backs.

Manifesto revised their from excerpt this take: Stance militant a taken have Radicals the but, backward more is side which uncertain, road the of middle are us of most.

Most of us are middle of the road, uncertain which side is more backward, but the Radicals have taken a militant stance. Take this excerpt from their revised manifesto:

Srehto lla trevnoc nac ew, hguone gnol kcartkcap ew fi.

If we backtrack long enough, we can convert all others.

Nac ew ylno, kcab su dloh t’nac dlrow eht.”

The world can’t back us, only we can.

Ssendrawkcab ruo rorrim lliw elpoep lla, strats noitulover eht ecno.

Once the revolution starts, all people will mirror our backwardness.

“Nwod edispu metsys ‘evissergorp’ siht nrut ot evah ew.

We have to turn this ‘progressive’ system upside-down.

Outcome lucky a, coup Radical a suppressed successfully Backwardists conservative month last.

Last month conservative Backwardists successfully suppressed a Radical coup, a lucky outcome.

Backfired weapons their all, armed were Radicals the though.

Though the Radicals were armed, all their weapons backfired.

(Backstroke the knew only soldiers their) drowned they where, ocean the into falling up ended all they and, motion forward a is charging since, retreat to them urged leaders their.

Their leaders urged them to retreat, since charging is a forward motion, and they all ended up falling into the ocean, where they drowned (their soldiers only knew the backstroke).

“Backs our off shirts the even! Everything want Radicals these,” it put Baxton Chancellor as.

As Chancellor Baxton put it, “These Radicals want everything! Even the shirts off our backs!”

Occipital his on birthmark gauche the and Backwardness orthodox his for famous is Baxton. Remark the with impressed was audience his.

His audience was impressed with the remark. Baxton is famous for his orthodox Backwardness and the gauche birthmark on his occipital.

Backwardism, element religious new the is unity and survival Backward for hope only our.

Our only hope for Backward survival and unity is the new religious element, Backwardism.

Bang Big the to ourselves “backwarding” by universe the with oneness achieve can we that believe worshippers, Backwardsattvas legendary the of precepts the on based.

Based on the precepts of the legendary Backwardsattvas, worshippers believe that we can achieve oneness with the universe by “backwarding” ourselves to the Big Bang.

Falter us let not will world the that hope we, future our whatever but.

But whatever our future, we hope that the world will not let us falter.

“Yours rub I’ll and, back my rub you,” goes adage the as: Democracy any to component essential an is Backwardness.

Backwardness is an essential component to any democracy. As the adage goes: “You rub my back, and I’ll rub yours.”

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