Hodgepodge Society Codename: Tripod

Hodgepodge Chapter: Mt. Fiji

Distinguishing Marks: Famous lack of pants, confident swagger, sash rash.

Date of Hodgepodge Society Induction: 2006

Bio: I am Chancellor Bradford Keller D.D.S., the current Hodgepodge Society representative from Mt. Fiji. I grew up in the badlands of Tasmania. Of course you won’t find a single square yard of Tasmania that isn’t “bad”, per se, but I digress. Since I was a small boy, I would spend my evenings building scale replicas of history’s greatest celebrity deaths out of matchbooks from Tasmanian strip clubs and old Betty and Veronica comic books. One day I was elaborately reconstructing James Dean’s death (I was particularly proud of his car which was made entirely out of matchbooks from “The Tasmanian Devil’s House of Horny”), when I heard a noise coming from outside my window. I quickly ran outside brandishing a foul tempered Koala Bear in a birdcage, the official weapon of Tasmania, in case it was another one of those pesky baby-eating dingoes. I was amazed at my discovery. There, outside my very shack where my parents were buried 4 years before they died, were a pair of singing Siamese twins. And I do mean a pair. There were 4 in total. Pair number 1 was Siegfried and Jamal. Pair number 2 was Gong Li and Francois. Their singing voices were heavenly. Just hearing them sing their version of “Xanadu” made me have visions of a brighter future and a funnier tomorrow. Gong Li handed me a pamphlet on the Hodgepodge Society and Jamal purchased my recreation of the beheading of Jayne Mansfield for $22,000. I used the money to find the Hodgepodge Society, so that I could join their ranks. My quest eventually ended in Mt. Fiji where I wrote a humorous study on the Patriot Act and it’s direct relation to the rise in the number of times the movie “The Wiz” has been rented.

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