Hodgepodge Society Codename: Double Vodka and Tonic, Hold the Tonic

Hodgepodge Chapter: Hollywood

Distinguishing Marks: Tattoo of Madonna riding a hydrogen bomb, raises "fabulous level" of any room she enters.

Date of Hodgepodge Society Induction: 2006

Bio: I am the current Hodgepodge Ambassador to Hollywood. I grew up on a porcupine ranch in Northern Kentucky. My mother was a honest matron of true virtue harvesting the precious quills day in and day out until she was pricked to death in a freak stampede. The day we buried Mama I vowed never to fall prey to a prick, so I moved to Hollywood to seek fame and fortune. As the old saying goes “Hollywood, where dreams are made and terrifying visions of small animals crushing your parents are forgotten.” I worked as a boob wrangler on movies sets for years. By perfecting the ancient art of “scooping” I rose as a leader in my profession. If there were a prominent set of breast on the big screen you could rest assured that Mistress Bernadette had helped round ‘em up and push ‘em out. Growing weary of cleavage splaying braziers and using cat food tins to revitalize aging décolletage I decided to try my hand at the revered art of humor. After writing several comedic poems and essays on a variety of topics I had found my calling! I was asked to join the Hodgepodge Society after a member, who will remain anonymous (cough, Sir Joseph, cough) turned out to be a fan of both my humorous literary work and my mammary influence on Adrienne Barbeau during the mid 1980s.

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